1 00:00:01,709 --> 00:00:04,025 Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father, 2 00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:06,245 he stayed home a while to take care of his mother. 3 00:00:06,370 --> 00:00:09,675 But the longer he stayed there, the more it was like he had never left Minnesota. 4 00:00:10,003 --> 00:00:11,844 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 5 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,930 That is too cute. Say it again. 6 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,157 It's called manners, jerk. 7 00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:19,685 Now, what's going on in New York? Give me something. 8 00:00:20,119 --> 00:00:22,529 There is one thing that's been going on. 9 00:00:22,961 --> 00:00:25,566 It's about Ted... and Zoey. 10 00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:28,903 Kids, as you remember, Zoey and I met beacause she was trying 11 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,991 to save an old building from being torn down 12 00:00:31,116 --> 00:00:33,532 and replaced by a new building I'd been hired to design. 13 00:00:34,179 --> 00:00:36,953 And yet somehow, despite this, we had all managed to become friends. 14 00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:40,164 Which brings us to the night Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner. 15 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,713 I thought the oven was Celsius. 16 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,965 It's okay. 17 00:00:49,311 --> 00:00:50,549 We got hot dogs. 18 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,529 Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. 19 00:00:57,066 --> 00:00:58,224 This is so good. 20 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,018 I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom. 21 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,066 - Could someone pass the ketchup? - I hope I can pass this hot dog. 22 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,656 Looks like someone's going out to get ketchup. 23 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,993 - Come on, man, I brought the wine. - Which is all gone. 24 00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:23,082 I tell you what, you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three. 25 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,626 - Tell you what, no dice. - I'll get the next hundred. 26 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,379 - You're not getting out of this. - A date with my hot cousin? 27 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,630 I'll get the ketchup. 28 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,865 Synchronisation: MiniBen314, Kenji 29 00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:38,330 Adaptation: Kenji, H3AV3N, Dark_Chii, tactactac 30 00:01:38,455 --> 00:01:41,267 Relecture: Titou 31 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,020 www.sous-titres.eu 32 00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:48,232 I just want you to know, it's either this story you're telling me 33 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,402 or another game of Clue against myself, so make it good. 34 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,699 It's good. 35 00:01:52,824 --> 00:01:55,948 You see, after that night, none of us heard from Zoey for a while. 36 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:57,783 Finally, Ted called her up. 37 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,526 So are we ever gonna see you again? 38 00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:03,831 Because, if I recall correctly, you owe me a date with your hot cousin. 39 00:02:04,188 --> 00:02:05,624 You still want to do that? 40 00:02:06,478 --> 00:02:07,653 And we miss you. 41 00:02:07,778 --> 00:02:10,129 But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. 42 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,631 Don't worry, Ted, she's cute. 43 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,925 "Cute" means "fat". 44 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,719 She's not fat. 45 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,537 "Not fat" means "ugly". 46 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,658 Here she is. 47 00:02:24,008 --> 00:02:27,480 I take back everything I said. That girl is extremely attractive. 48 00:02:30,913 --> 00:02:32,543 Ted, this is my cousin... 49 00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:35,417 Kids, to be honest, I don't quite remember this girl's name. 50 00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:38,287 None of us do, because as this story has been told and retold, 51 00:02:38,412 --> 00:02:40,193 we've always just referred to her as... 52 00:02:40,318 --> 00:02:41,318 Honey. 53 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,120 Hi, Honey, I'm Ted. 54 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,580 And here's why. 55 00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:47,882 She is a lovely person... 56 00:02:48,007 --> 00:02:51,670 warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible. 57 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,560 It's like, every word out of her mouth makes you want to be like, 58 00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:57,093 "Oh, honey." 59 00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,595 Interesting. Show your work. 60 00:03:00,154 --> 00:03:02,264 My apartment building is so safe. 61 00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:05,935 My landlord, he even installed a security camera in my shower. 62 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,353 Oh, honey. 63 00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:11,938 Maybe I should feel weird about giving a stranger my Social Security number, 64 00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:14,976 but the guy's a Nigerian prince. 65 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,867 Oh, honey. 66 00:03:17,879 --> 00:03:20,324 I just had a great TV audition. 67 00:03:21,385 --> 00:03:25,037 Behind the KFC where the executive producer works on the weekends. 68 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,580 Oh, honey. 69 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,441 Long story short, 70 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:31,210 I'm gonna be on Lost. 71 00:03:31,677 --> 00:03:33,142 Oh, honey. 72 00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:34,745 I know. 73 00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:37,550 You just wanna wrap her up in a blanket and give her a cup of tea. 74 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,206 She's, like, this little lost lamb 75 00:03:40,331 --> 00:03:42,626 who needs to be protected from the wolves. 76 00:03:42,751 --> 00:03:43,889 Speaking of whom... 77 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,404 Yeah, I always get those e-mails from Michelle Obama 78 00:03:47,529 --> 00:03:49,429 and sometimes Obama himself. 79 00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,617 Oh, honey. 80 00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:57,029 So the night went on, and eventually everyone went home, 81 00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,070 except for Ted and Honey. 82 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,575 An architect. How fascinating. 83 00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:04,994 Why do they call 'em coasters? 84 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,245 And Barney. 85 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,881 Time to go home. 86 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,166 Ted, a word. 87 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,618 God, I hate these situations. 88 00:04:17,743 --> 00:04:19,300 What are we gonna do about this? 89 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,801 What are you talking about? 90 00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:24,597 Come on, Ted, it's obvious. Honey's vibing on me. 91 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,681 What? 92 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,474 It's called body language. 93 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,552 Remember when she was touching your arm and leaning in real close? 94 00:04:31,677 --> 00:04:33,751 Well, while that was happening, 95 00:04:33,876 --> 00:04:35,943 the straw in her drink 96 00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:38,986 was pointed right at me. 97 00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:41,846 I mean... 98 00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:45,075 that's as clear as a signal gets, so... 99 00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,460 I'm so sorry, man. 100 00:04:51,276 --> 00:04:52,426 You're right. 101 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,001 She's all yours, buddy. 102 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,880 I'd say hump her brains out, but someone obviously already has. 103 00:04:59,338 --> 00:05:00,424 Good for you. 104 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,385 Ted Mosby does not take advantage of poor, helpless honeys. 105 00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:07,014 Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her. 106 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,362 He's gay! 107 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:10,809 Hang up! 108 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:11,977 I'm sorry. 109 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:14,855 Go on. 110 00:05:15,512 --> 00:05:18,909 Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her. 111 00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:21,403 I'm in love with Zoey. 112 00:05:27,004 --> 00:05:28,004 Sorry. 113 00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:35,147 Ted's in love with Zoey? 114 00:05:36,255 --> 00:05:39,213 But, but she's married. That boy needs an intervention. 115 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,673 Funny you should say that. 116 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,549 Does anyone know why we're here? 117 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,510 Who called this intervention? 118 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,594 I did. It's for me. 119 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,062 This is about the coffee breath. Finally. 120 00:05:49,187 --> 00:05:50,432 It's the shoulder hair. 121 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,688 Just let the man explain how it's all about his wearing a lady's watch. 122 00:05:56,092 --> 00:05:58,232 It's because I'm in love with Zoey, 123 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:02,069 and she's married, so it needs to stop, and... 124 00:06:02,986 --> 00:06:03,986 intervene. 125 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,156 Are you sure it's love? 126 00:06:06,919 --> 00:06:08,367 Remember the ketchup bottle? 127 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,452 She wasn't the one who dropped it. 128 00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:14,123 When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and... 129 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:19,430 I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. 130 00:06:19,898 --> 00:06:21,048 This is love. 131 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,022 Wuss. 132 00:06:24,596 --> 00:06:26,552 This is a private conversation! 133 00:06:28,327 --> 00:06:29,888 So what'd the wuss do next? 134 00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:31,844 This is love. 135 00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:36,353 And this was my grandmother's watch. 136 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,482 Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me. 137 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,359 I have to end my friendship with Zoey. 138 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,611 - Isn't that a little harsh? - Harsh? 139 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:49,575 A single guy and a married woman cannot be friends if one loves the other. 140 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,619 Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too. It's not like 141 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,417 Ted can just ghost out on her. 142 00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:56,832 - She'll always be around. - What am I supposed to do? 143 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,852 Just shut it down. Okay, just ignore your feelings. 144 00:06:59,977 --> 00:07:03,422 If she asks you for ketchup, tell her to get it her own damn self. 145 00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:05,271 Look, I like Zoey. 146 00:07:05,396 --> 00:07:08,552 Without her, my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. 147 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,055 So those feelings of yours... shut 'em down. 148 00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:13,345 Fine. 149 00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,267 I'll shut 'em down. 150 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,345 And seriously, mouthwash after coffee. 151 00:07:21,328 --> 00:07:22,878 That's my other line. 152 00:07:24,587 --> 00:07:26,945 - It's not a number I recognize. - So don't answer it. 153 00:07:30,835 --> 00:07:32,701 You are so Minnesota. 154 00:07:33,616 --> 00:07:36,455 You can't not answer the phone because it would be rude. 155 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,223 It would be. Good-bye. 156 00:07:39,324 --> 00:07:41,085 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 157 00:07:43,231 --> 00:07:45,714 - What number is this? - I'm up on burners, playa. 158 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:50,385 Too many crazies had my old number, so now I'm all about disposable phones. 159 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,368 I'll use one for a while, have my fun, then dump it and get a new one. 160 00:07:54,493 --> 00:07:56,183 And then I'll do the same with my phone. 161 00:07:57,703 --> 00:08:00,562 So Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing. 162 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,108 Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. I'll tell you that story. 163 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,031 - This is my cousin... - Honey. 164 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,914 - Robin's version was... - That is exactly how it happened. 165 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,333 So Ted did his best to impress her, 166 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,462 but as per us', he bored the pants very much on her. 167 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,840 Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. 168 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,509 Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. 169 00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,380 An architect. 170 00:08:34,709 --> 00:08:36,098 How fascinating. 171 00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,017 Rambling architecture anecdote. 172 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,854 Something about a bridge. 173 00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:44,064 Straw. 174 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,333 Coaster. 175 00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:53,073 Okay, time to go home. 176 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,411 Anyway, I get Honey back to her place. 177 00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:00,330 Who's your daddy? 178 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,499 Okay, can we skip this part, please? 179 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,617 Sure, I'll just summarize it. 180 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,653 - That's been going on a while. - Only way I know how. 181 00:09:23,402 --> 00:09:25,772 Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. 182 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,395 I run into Zoey. 183 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,986 That cousin of yours, Honey... 184 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,073 I must say, your family tree has got a couple of pretty big coconuts. 185 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,241 Thanks. 186 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,459 We had a great time last night. 187 00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:41,079 And then just hand stuff in the morning, so... 188 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,249 - Wait, she didn't go home with Ted? - Nope, he let me have her. 189 00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:46,474 I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. 190 00:09:46,599 --> 00:09:49,713 He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. 191 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,439 I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... 192 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,512 She hugged me. 193 00:10:01,127 --> 00:10:02,518 What was that all about? 194 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,453 Zoey's in love with Ted. 195 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,563 Wait, hear me out. 196 00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:09,524 Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married, 197 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,360 so she tried to push him away 198 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,737 by setting him up with her cousin instead. 199 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:17,324 But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was more than her gentle heart could bear, 200 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:20,944 so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. 201 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,788 But then, the next morning, 202 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,041 upon learning that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar, 203 00:10:26,434 --> 00:10:30,128 her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring. 204 00:10:32,794 --> 00:10:34,508 Zoey's in love with Ted. 205 00:10:35,855 --> 00:10:38,905 I stopped by that new doughnut shop, Hertz Donuts. 206 00:10:39,217 --> 00:10:41,765 - Would you like a Hertz Donut? - Sure. 207 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,730 Where's the...? 208 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,354 Hurts, don't it? 209 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,571 I can't believe you fell for that. 210 00:10:56,193 --> 00:10:58,306 So Ted's in love with Zoey 211 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:01,420 and Zoey's in love with Ted? 212 00:11:01,545 --> 00:11:04,329 Well, that's not gonna work. I gotta call Ted. 213 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,711 Listen, Ted, I gotta tell you something about Zoey. 214 00:11:11,744 --> 00:11:13,755 I need to tell you something about Zoey, too. 215 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,468 I wasnear by and I thought of that beer you're about to offer me. 216 00:11:19,025 --> 00:11:20,220 Can I get you a beer? 217 00:11:21,119 --> 00:11:23,640 I'm so busy. But I guess I got time for one. 218 00:11:24,385 --> 00:11:25,535 Lead the way. 219 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,815 What?! 220 00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:35,503 Fridge full of ketchup? How? How, I ask you? 221 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:41,658 What? 222 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,144 Listen, Zoey, I... 223 00:11:48,198 --> 00:11:50,148 I need to tell you something. 224 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,586 I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything? 225 00:11:53,351 --> 00:11:54,546 Get off the phone! 226 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,257 - Could you get some Bugles, please? - Of course, dear. 227 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,875 Marcus, hang up! Both of you, hang up! 228 00:12:00,781 --> 00:12:02,471 And we need ice cream. 229 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,141 Go on. 230 00:12:07,756 --> 00:12:10,395 I can't be friends with you anymore. 231 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,724 And this may seem strange, but, 232 00:12:14,825 --> 00:12:16,318 you can't ask me why. 233 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,172 And that was it. No more Zoey. 234 00:12:32,223 --> 00:12:34,628 Buddy, that's Lily. I should take that. 235 00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,130 But... you're a good guy, Ted. 236 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:43,845 We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops. 237 00:12:44,209 --> 00:12:45,859 Ted's a son of a bitch! 238 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:50,895 Nice. 239 00:12:51,239 --> 00:12:52,389 But... baby? 240 00:12:52,999 --> 00:12:56,358 Go easy on Ted, okay? He just ended things with Zoey. 241 00:12:57,331 --> 00:13:00,153 I know. But did he tell you the whole story? 242 00:13:01,757 --> 00:13:04,449 I can't be friends with you anymore. 243 00:13:06,462 --> 00:13:07,953 And you can't ask me why. 244 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:14,835 Why? 245 00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:16,962 Lily hates you. 246 00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:20,674 You hate me? 247 00:13:25,615 --> 00:13:27,722 That's crazy. I don't hate you. 248 00:13:28,132 --> 00:13:31,143 Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything. 249 00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:33,587 Really? 250 00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:36,231 And what did Ted say, exactly? 251 00:13:36,864 --> 00:13:38,024 Lily hates you. 252 00:13:39,995 --> 00:13:41,545 She hates you so much 253 00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,573 it's hard to be around you. 254 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,850 So we can't be friends. 255 00:13:53,511 --> 00:13:55,798 I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. 256 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,379 I hate you. 257 00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,504 Bitch. 258 00:14:00,765 --> 00:14:02,215 I can't believe it. 259 00:14:02,521 --> 00:14:04,968 I really thought you and I were friends. 260 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:08,451 Lord knows I could use a friend right now. I've been... 261 00:14:08,576 --> 00:14:10,557 going through some pretty difficult stuff. 262 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,185 Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff? 263 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,896 - I don't know. - Well, you did the right thing, baby. 264 00:14:16,498 --> 00:14:17,863 Not entirely. 265 00:14:19,215 --> 00:14:20,525 Zoey, wait! 266 00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:22,027 I don't hate you! 267 00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,795 We just can't be friends anymore because... 268 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:28,074 Robin hates you. 269 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,161 And that's Robin on the other line. 270 00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,413 Well, I'll let you take that. Love you, baby! 271 00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:36,757 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. Listen, Robin, 272 00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:39,461 I know, I apologize for my wife. She never should have... 273 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,838 I told Zoey you hate her. 274 00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:44,549 Me? You dragged me into this?! 275 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,886 You just went through a tragedy. It's not like she's gonna call you up and... 276 00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:51,191 That's my other line. 277 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,518 It's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it! I think it's Zoey! 278 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:57,896 - Just don't answer it. - I can't not answer. It's impolite. 279 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,315 - You can beat this. - I can't turn my back on politeness. 280 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,491 - Good manners are what separate us... - You can just let it ring. 281 00:15:02,616 --> 00:15:04,236 - ... from those Wisconsinites. - I believe in you. 282 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,304 - Don't do it! - I'm sorry! 283 00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:08,406 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 284 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,664 I spent the night with your friend Barney 285 00:15:11,789 --> 00:15:13,989 and he accidentally left his phone 286 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,248 in my apartment, in the garbage. 287 00:15:16,942 --> 00:15:19,008 But I've been going through all of his contacts 288 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:21,586 because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me. 289 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,454 After all, he told me... 290 00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,131 I was his first. 291 00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:26,722 Oh, honey. 292 00:15:28,539 --> 00:15:30,762 Honey! Zoey's cousin. 293 00:15:31,486 --> 00:15:33,139 Listen, about Barney... 294 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,891 He's such a sweet guy. 295 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,435 Who's your daddy? 296 00:15:40,117 --> 00:15:41,481 Who's your daddy? 297 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,025 I don't know. 298 00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:49,518 I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad. 299 00:15:49,643 --> 00:15:51,449 His mom gave him the guy's address. 300 00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:54,190 So I wrote him a letter. 301 00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:56,733 And I poured my heart out. 302 00:15:56,985 --> 00:16:00,279 And I gave him my number and I told him to call me. 303 00:16:00,404 --> 00:16:02,782 And he still hasn't called me. 304 00:16:03,608 --> 00:16:05,010 Oh, honey. 305 00:16:05,941 --> 00:16:07,682 I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. 306 00:16:07,807 --> 00:16:10,135 Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me. 307 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,571 Oh, honey. 308 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,115 I mean, 309 00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:16,850 why else would he let 30 years go by? 310 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,004 He's ashamed to have me as a son. 311 00:16:21,457 --> 00:16:24,149 Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you. 312 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,303 He's ashamed of himself. I mean, look at you. 313 00:16:28,428 --> 00:16:30,155 You're do so great without him. 314 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,963 I mean, you have an airline and 315 00:16:34,088 --> 00:16:35,840 three Nobel Prizes, 316 00:16:35,965 --> 00:16:37,871 and you play for the Yankees. 317 00:16:38,222 --> 00:16:39,922 Four. Four Nobel Prizes. 318 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:41,833 Four. 319 00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,173 See? That is impressive. 320 00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:46,212 How many does he have? 321 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,672 Only three. 322 00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,841 There you go. 323 00:16:51,202 --> 00:16:53,402 Listen, Honey, while I've got you, 324 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,643 do you have any idea what kind of 325 00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:57,682 difficult stuff Zoey's been going through? 326 00:16:58,194 --> 00:17:00,094 I can't tell you about that. 327 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:04,723 The only people that are allowed to know are me, Zoey and her therapist. 328 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,026 I am her therapist. 329 00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:10,946 Well, in that case... 330 00:17:15,722 --> 00:17:18,193 Okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. 331 00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:19,618 I gotta go. Bye. 332 00:17:26,303 --> 00:17:27,629 What's this really about? 333 00:17:28,312 --> 00:17:30,715 I told you. Lily hates you. 334 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,737 I think you hate me. I think you have some big problem with me, 335 00:17:33,862 --> 00:17:35,887 and you're too chicken to come out and say it. 336 00:17:37,917 --> 00:17:38,917 All right. 337 00:17:41,464 --> 00:17:43,731 I... hate you. 338 00:17:45,255 --> 00:17:46,255 Great. 339 00:17:46,914 --> 00:17:47,914 See? 340 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,567 Was that so hard? 341 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,643 Can you at least tell me why? 342 00:17:57,768 --> 00:18:00,132 Because I'm racking my brain here, and I thought... 343 00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:04,165 I just want to know why. 344 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,962 So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey. 345 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,317 Zoey has no idea. 346 00:18:10,442 --> 00:18:12,924 Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney, 347 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,385 and Zoey was happy about it. Which tells us what? 348 00:18:16,546 --> 00:18:18,996 Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know. 349 00:18:19,121 --> 00:18:21,513 So Ted and Zoey... they're in love with each other, 350 00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:24,538 which would be fine if Zoey wasn't married to Colonel Mustard. 351 00:18:24,663 --> 00:18:26,163 I mean, The Captain. 352 00:18:26,932 --> 00:18:29,774 Except now, as Honey informs me... 353 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,397 And we miss you. 354 00:18:31,522 --> 00:18:33,778 But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. 355 00:18:34,091 --> 00:18:36,337 Fine, I will make it happen. 356 00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:38,310 Good-bye. 357 00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:45,224 I guess I'll take it. 358 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,003 Zoey and The Captain... 359 00:18:52,389 --> 00:18:53,757 are getting divorced. 360 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,342 Which means...? 361 00:18:56,838 --> 00:18:58,388 So help me, Marshall, 362 00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:01,511 if you don't call those two crazy, mixed-up kids, 363 00:19:01,636 --> 00:19:02,636 I will. 364 00:19:03,924 --> 00:19:05,374 Give me that phone. 365 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,987 Why do I hate you? Are you kidding? 366 00:19:09,451 --> 00:19:12,334 You're actively trying to prevent me from realizing a lifelong dream. 367 00:19:12,459 --> 00:19:13,985 So there's that. Plus, 368 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,403 you're stubborn and argumentative. 369 00:19:16,528 --> 00:19:19,188 And what kind of name is Zoey, huh? 370 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,451 What is that, short for Zoseph? 371 00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:24,621 Go on, get it. I'll have more in a second. 372 00:19:33,545 --> 00:19:34,545 Yes, I am. 373 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,259 Yes, I am. 374 00:19:41,203 --> 00:19:42,203 He is? 375 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:50,355 - Why was Marshall calling? - Don't worry about it. Go on. 376 00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:53,336 You talk during movies. 377 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,527 You sneeze with your whole body. 378 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,031 To my knowledge, you do not speak Portuguese. 379 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,156 Well, actually... 380 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,534 I speak a little Portuguese. 381 00:20:03,611 --> 00:20:04,744 You're a show-off. 382 00:20:08,269 --> 00:20:09,541 You better take that. 383 00:20:14,377 --> 00:20:17,294 Marshall, can I call you back? I'm out in the hallway with... 384 00:20:19,353 --> 00:20:20,353 She is? 385 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:24,764 She is? 386 00:20:28,163 --> 00:20:29,713 Marshall, I gotta go. 387 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,587 - They're kissing. - They're kissing?! 388 00:20:56,203 --> 00:20:57,255 They're kissing! 389 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,924 They're kissing, Mom! They're kissing!