1
00:00:01,709 --> 00:00:04,025
Kids,
after Uncle Marshall lost his father,
2
00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:06,245
he stayed home a while
to take care of his mother.
3
00:00:06,370 --> 00:00:09,675
But the longer he stayed there, the more
it was like he had never left Minnesota.
4
00:00:10,003 --> 00:00:11,844
Eriksen residence,
Marshall speaking.
5
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,930
That is too cute.
Say it again.
6
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,157
It's called manners, jerk.
7
00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:19,685
Now, what's going on in New York?
Give me something.
8
00:00:20,119 --> 00:00:22,529
There is one thing
that's been going on.
9
00:00:22,961 --> 00:00:25,566
It's about Ted... and Zoey.
10
00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:28,903
Kids, as you remember,
Zoey and I met beacause she was trying
11
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,991
to save an old building
from being torn down
12
00:00:31,116 --> 00:00:33,532
and replaced by a new building
I'd been hired to design.
13
00:00:34,179 --> 00:00:36,953
And yet somehow, despite this,
we had all managed to become friends.
14
00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:40,164
Which brings us to the night
Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner.
15
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,713
I thought the oven was Celsius.
16
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,965
It's okay.
17
00:00:49,311 --> 00:00:50,549
We got hot dogs.
18
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,529
Yeah, and it's not like
you can screw up a hot dog.
19
00:00:57,066 --> 00:00:58,224
This is so good.
20
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,018
I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom.
21
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,066
- Could someone pass the ketchup?
- I hope I can pass this hot dog.
22
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,656
Looks like someone's going out
to get ketchup.
23
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,993
- Come on, man, I brought the wine.
- Which is all gone.
24
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:23,082
I tell you what, you get this one
bottle, I'll get the next three.
25
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,626
- Tell you what, no dice.
- I'll get the next hundred.
26
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,379
- You're not getting out of this.
- A date with my hot cousin?
27
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,630
I'll get the ketchup.
28
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,865
Synchronisation:
MiniBen314, Kenji
29
00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:38,330
Adaptation:
Kenji, H3AV3N, Dark_Chii, tactactac
30
00:01:38,455 --> 00:01:41,267
Relecture:
Titou
31
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,020
www.sous-titres.eu
32
00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:48,232
I just want you to know, it's either
this story you're telling me
33
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,402
or another game of Clue
against myself, so make it good.
34
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,699
It's good.
35
00:01:52,824 --> 00:01:55,948
You see, after that night,
none of us heard from Zoey for a while.
36
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:57,783
Finally, Ted called her up.
37
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,526
So are we ever gonna see you again?
38
00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:03,831
Because, if I recall correctly,
you owe me a date with your hot cousin.
39
00:02:04,188 --> 00:02:05,624
You still want to do that?
40
00:02:06,478 --> 00:02:07,653
And we miss you.
41
00:02:07,778 --> 00:02:10,129
But the cousin thing mostly.
Let's get that going.
42
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,631
Don't worry, Ted, she's cute.
43
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,925
"Cute" means "fat".
44
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,719
She's not fat.
45
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,537
"Not fat" means "ugly".
46
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,658
Here she is.
47
00:02:24,008 --> 00:02:27,480
I take back everything I said.
That girl is extremely attractive.
48
00:02:30,913 --> 00:02:32,543
Ted, this is my cousin...
49
00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:35,417
Kids, to be honest, I don't
quite remember this girl's name.
50
00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:38,287
None of us do, because
as this story has been told and retold,
51
00:02:38,412 --> 00:02:40,193
we've always
just referred to her as...
52
00:02:40,318 --> 00:02:41,318
Honey.
53
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,120
Hi, Honey, I'm Ted.
54
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,580
And here's why.
55
00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:47,882
She is a lovely person...
56
00:02:48,007 --> 00:02:51,670
warm, intelligent,
just kind of gullible.
57
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,560
It's like, every word out of
her mouth makes you want to be like,
58
00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:57,093
"Oh, honey."
59
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,595
Interesting.
Show your work.
60
00:03:00,154 --> 00:03:02,264
My apartment building is so safe.
61
00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:05,935
My landlord, he even installed
a security camera in my shower.
62
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,353
Oh, honey.
63
00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:11,938
Maybe I should feel weird about giving
a stranger my Social Security number,
64
00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:14,976
but the guy's a Nigerian prince.
65
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,867
Oh, honey.
66
00:03:17,879 --> 00:03:20,324
I just had a great TV audition.
67
00:03:21,385 --> 00:03:25,037
Behind the KFC where the executive
producer works on the weekends.
68
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,580
Oh, honey.
69
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,441
Long story short,
70
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:31,210
I'm gonna be on Lost.
71
00:03:31,677 --> 00:03:33,142
Oh, honey.
72
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:34,745
I know.
73
00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:37,550
You just wanna wrap her up
in a blanket and give her a cup of tea.
74
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,206
She's, like, this little lost lamb
75
00:03:40,331 --> 00:03:42,626
who needs to be protected
from the wolves.
76
00:03:42,751 --> 00:03:43,889
Speaking of whom...
77
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,404
Yeah, I always get those e-mails
from Michelle Obama
78
00:03:47,529 --> 00:03:49,429
and sometimes Obama himself.
79
00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,617
Oh, honey.
80
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:57,029
So the night went on,
and eventually everyone went home,
81
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,070
except for Ted and Honey.
82
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,575
An architect.
How fascinating.
83
00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:04,994
Why do they call 'em coasters?
84
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,245
And Barney.
85
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,881
Time to go home.
86
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,166
Ted, a word.
87
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,618
God, I hate these situations.
88
00:04:17,743 --> 00:04:19,300
What are we gonna do about this?
89
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,801
What are you talking about?
90
00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:24,597
Come on, Ted, it's obvious.
Honey's vibing on me.
91
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,681
What?
92
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,474
It's called body language.
93
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,552
Remember when she was touching
your arm and leaning in real close?
94
00:04:31,677 --> 00:04:33,751
Well, while that was happening,
95
00:04:33,876 --> 00:04:35,943
the straw in her drink
96
00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:38,986
was pointed right at me.
97
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:41,846
I mean...
98
00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:45,075
that's as clear as a signal gets,
so...
99
00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,460
I'm so sorry, man.
100
00:04:51,276 --> 00:04:52,426
You're right.
101
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,001
She's all yours, buddy.
102
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,880
I'd say hump her brains out,
but someone obviously already has.
103
00:04:59,338 --> 00:05:00,424
Good for you.
104
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,385
Ted Mosby does not take advantage
of poor, helpless honeys.
105
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:07,014
Yeah, actually, there's another reason
that I didn't go home with her.
106
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,362
He's gay!
107
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:10,809
Hang up!
108
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:11,977
I'm sorry.
109
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:14,855
Go on.
110
00:05:15,512 --> 00:05:18,909
Yeah, actually, there's another reason
that I didn't go home with her.
111
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:21,403
I'm in love with Zoey.
112
00:05:27,004 --> 00:05:28,004
Sorry.
113
00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:35,147
Ted's in love with Zoey?
114
00:05:36,255 --> 00:05:39,213
But, but she's married.
That boy needs an intervention.
115
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,673
Funny you should say that.
116
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,549
Does anyone know why we're here?
117
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,510
Who called this intervention?
118
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,594
I did. It's for me.
119
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,062
This is about the coffee breath.
Finally.
120
00:05:49,187 --> 00:05:50,432
It's the shoulder hair.
121
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,688
Just let the man explain how it's all
about his wearing a lady's watch.
122
00:05:56,092 --> 00:05:58,232
It's because I'm in love with Zoey,
123
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:02,069
and she's married,
so it needs to stop, and...
124
00:06:02,986 --> 00:06:03,986
intervene.
125
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,156
Are you sure it's love?
126
00:06:06,919 --> 00:06:08,367
Remember the ketchup bottle?
127
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,452
She wasn't the one who dropped it.
128
00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:14,123
When she reached for it,
our fingers touched, and...
129
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:19,430
I knew, right in that moment,
this isn't friendship.
130
00:06:19,898 --> 00:06:21,048
This is love.
131
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,022
Wuss.
132
00:06:24,596 --> 00:06:26,552
This is a private conversation!
133
00:06:28,327 --> 00:06:29,888
So what'd the wuss do next?
134
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:31,844
This is love.
135
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:36,353
And this was my grandmother's watch.
136
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,482
Anyway, now I have only one
course of action in front of me.
137
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,359
I have to end
my friendship with Zoey.
138
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,611
- Isn't that a little harsh?
- Harsh?
139
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:49,575
A single guy and a married woman cannot
be friends if one loves the other.
140
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,619
Yeah, but Zoey is friends
with us now, too. It's not like
141
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,417
Ted can just ghost out on her.
142
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:56,832
- She'll always be around.
- What am I supposed to do?
143
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,852
Just shut it down.
Okay, just ignore your feelings.
144
00:06:59,977 --> 00:07:03,422
If she asks you for ketchup,
tell her to get it her own damn self.
145
00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:05,271
Look, I like Zoey.
146
00:07:05,396 --> 00:07:08,552
Without her, my dinner party
wouldn't have been such a success.
147
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,055
So those feelings of yours...
shut 'em down.
148
00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:13,345
Fine.
149
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,267
I'll shut 'em down.
150
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,345
And seriously,
mouthwash after coffee.
151
00:07:21,328 --> 00:07:22,878
That's my other line.
152
00:07:24,587 --> 00:07:26,945
- It's not a number I recognize.
- So don't answer it.
153
00:07:30,835 --> 00:07:32,701
You are so Minnesota.
154
00:07:33,616 --> 00:07:36,455
You can't not answer the phone
because it would be rude.
155
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,223
It would be. Good-bye.
156
00:07:39,324 --> 00:07:41,085
Eriksen residence,
Marshall speaking.
157
00:07:43,231 --> 00:07:45,714
- What number is this?
- I'm up on burners, playa.
158
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:50,385
Too many crazies had my old number,
so now I'm all about disposable phones.
159
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,368
I'll use one for a while, have my fun,
then dump it and get a new one.
160
00:07:54,493 --> 00:07:56,183
And then I'll do the same
with my phone.
161
00:07:57,703 --> 00:08:00,562
So Robin told me about
this whole Ted and Zoey thing.
162
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,108
Dude, she doesn't know how to tell
a story. I'll tell you that story.
163
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,031
- This is my cousin...
- Honey.
164
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,914
- Robin's version was...
- That is exactly how it happened.
165
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,333
So Ted did his best to impress her,
166
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,462
but as per us',
he bored the pants very much on her.
167
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,840
Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect.
168
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,509
Blah, blah, blah,
I don't wear suits.
169
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,380
An architect.
170
00:08:34,709 --> 00:08:36,098
How fascinating.
171
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,017
Rambling architecture anecdote.
172
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,854
Something about a bridge.
173
00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:44,064
Straw.
174
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,333
Coaster.
175
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:53,073
Okay, time to go home.
176
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,411
Anyway,
I get Honey back to her place.
177
00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:00,330
Who's your daddy?
178
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,499
Okay, can we skip this part, please?
179
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,617
Sure, I'll just summarize it.
180
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,653
- That's been going on a while.
- Only way I know how.
181
00:09:23,402 --> 00:09:25,772
Any-who,
next day, I'm going into work.
182
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,395
I run into Zoey.
183
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,986
That cousin of yours, Honey...
184
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,073
I must say, your family tree has got
a couple of pretty big coconuts.
185
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,241
Thanks.
186
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,459
We had a great time last night.
187
00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:41,079
And then just hand stuff
in the morning, so...
188
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,249
- Wait, she didn't go home with Ted?
- Nope, he let me have her.
189
00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:46,474
I have to say,
it was pretty noble of him.
190
00:09:46,599 --> 00:09:49,713
He fell on his sword so
that she could fall on mine.
191
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,439
I won't bore you with the details,
but to summarize...
192
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,512
She hugged me.
193
00:10:01,127 --> 00:10:02,518
What was that all about?
194
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,453
Zoey's in love with Ted.
195
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,563
Wait, hear me out.
196
00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:09,524
Zoey's in love with Ted,
but she's married,
197
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,360
so she tried to push him away
198
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,737
by setting him up
with her cousin instead.
199
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:17,324
But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was
more than her gentle heart could bear,
200
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:20,944
so Zoey left early,
pricked by love's fickle thorn.
201
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,788
But then, the next morning,
202
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,041
upon learning that Ted had not
tasted of Honey's sweet nectar,
203
00:10:26,434 --> 00:10:30,128
her joy burst forth
like a blossoming flower in spring.
204
00:10:32,794 --> 00:10:34,508
Zoey's in love with Ted.
205
00:10:35,855 --> 00:10:38,905
I stopped by that new
doughnut shop, Hertz Donuts.
206
00:10:39,217 --> 00:10:41,765
- Would you like a Hertz Donut?
- Sure.
207
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,730
Where's the...?
208
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,354
Hurts, don't it?
209
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,571
I can't believe you fell for that.
210
00:10:56,193 --> 00:10:58,306
So Ted's in love with Zoey
211
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:01,420
and Zoey's in love with Ted?
212
00:11:01,545 --> 00:11:04,329
Well, that's not gonna work.
I gotta call Ted.
213
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,711
Listen, Ted, I gotta
tell you something about Zoey.
214
00:11:11,744 --> 00:11:13,755
I need to tell you something
about Zoey, too.
215
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,468
I wasnear by and I thought of that beer
you're about to offer me.
216
00:11:19,025 --> 00:11:20,220
Can I get you a beer?
217
00:11:21,119 --> 00:11:23,640
I'm so busy.
But I guess I got time for one.
218
00:11:24,385 --> 00:11:25,535
Lead the way.
219
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,815
What?!
220
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:35,503
Fridge full of ketchup? How?
How, I ask you?
221
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:41,658
What?
222
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,144
Listen, Zoey, I...
223
00:11:48,198 --> 00:11:50,148
I need to tell you something.
224
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,586
I'm going to Byerly's.
You want anything?
225
00:11:53,351 --> 00:11:54,546
Get off the phone!
226
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,257
- Could you get some Bugles, please?
- Of course, dear.
227
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,875
Marcus, hang up!
Both of you, hang up!
228
00:12:00,781 --> 00:12:02,471
And we need ice cream.
229
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,141
Go on.
230
00:12:07,756 --> 00:12:10,395
I can't be friends with you anymore.
231
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,724
And this may seem strange, but,
232
00:12:14,825 --> 00:12:16,318
you can't ask me why.
233
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,172
And that was it.
No more Zoey.
234
00:12:32,223 --> 00:12:34,628
Buddy, that's Lily.
I should take that.
235
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,130
But...
you're a good guy, Ted.
236
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:43,845
We hate Ted now.
Get on board or the sexting stops.
237
00:12:44,209 --> 00:12:45,859
Ted's a son of a bitch!
238
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:50,895
Nice.
239
00:12:51,239 --> 00:12:52,389
But... baby?
240
00:12:52,999 --> 00:12:56,358
Go easy on Ted, okay?
He just ended things with Zoey.
241
00:12:57,331 --> 00:13:00,153
I know.
But did he tell you the whole story?
242
00:13:01,757 --> 00:13:04,449
I can't be friends with you anymore.
243
00:13:06,462 --> 00:13:07,953
And you can't ask me why.
244
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:14,835
Why?
245
00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:16,962
Lily hates you.
246
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:20,674
You hate me?
247
00:13:25,615 --> 00:13:27,722
That's crazy. I don't hate you.
248
00:13:28,132 --> 00:13:31,143
Well, I know that's not true, Lily.
Ted told me everything.
249
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:33,587
Really?
250
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:36,231
And what did Ted say, exactly?
251
00:13:36,864 --> 00:13:38,024
Lily hates you.
252
00:13:39,995 --> 00:13:41,545
She hates you so much
253
00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,573
it's hard to be around you.
254
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,850
So we can't be friends.
255
00:13:53,511 --> 00:13:55,798
I guess there's no use
hiding it anymore.
256
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,379
I hate you.
257
00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,504
Bitch.
258
00:14:00,765 --> 00:14:02,215
I can't believe it.
259
00:14:02,521 --> 00:14:04,968
I really thought
you and I were friends.
260
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:08,451
Lord knows I could use a friend
right now. I've been...
261
00:14:08,576 --> 00:14:10,557
going through
some pretty difficult stuff.
262
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,185
Difficult stuff?
What difficult stuff?
263
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,896
- I don't know.
- Well, you did the right thing, baby.
264
00:14:16,498 --> 00:14:17,863
Not entirely.
265
00:14:19,215 --> 00:14:20,525
Zoey, wait!
266
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:22,027
I don't hate you!
267
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,795
We just
can't be friends anymore because...
268
00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:28,074
Robin hates you.
269
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,161
And that's Robin on the other line.
270
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,413
Well, I'll let you take that.
Love you, baby!
271
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:36,757
Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking.
Listen, Robin,
272
00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:39,461
I know, I apologize for my wife.
She never should have...
273
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,838
I told Zoey you hate her.
274
00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:44,549
Me?
You dragged me into this?!
275
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,886
You just went through a tragedy. It's
not like she's gonna call you up and...
276
00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:51,191
That's my other line.
277
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,518
It's a 917 number, and I don't
recognize it! I think it's Zoey!
278
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:57,896
- Just don't answer it.
- I can't not answer. It's impolite.
279
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,315
- You can beat this.
- I can't turn my back on politeness.
280
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,491
- Good manners are what separate us...
- You can just let it ring.
281
00:15:02,616 --> 00:15:04,236
- ... from those Wisconsinites.
- I believe in you.
282
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,304
- Don't do it!
- I'm sorry!
283
00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:08,406
Eriksen residence,
Marshall speaking.
284
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,664
I spent the night
with your friend Barney
285
00:15:11,789 --> 00:15:13,989
and he accidentally left his phone
286
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,248
in my apartment, in the garbage.
287
00:15:16,942 --> 00:15:19,008
But I've been going through
all of his contacts
288
00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:21,586
because I'm sure
he wants to get in touch with me.
289
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,454
After all, he told me...
290
00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,131
I was his first.
291
00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:26,722
Oh, honey.
292
00:15:28,539 --> 00:15:30,762
Honey! Zoey's cousin.
293
00:15:31,486 --> 00:15:33,139
Listen, about Barney...
294
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,891
He's such a sweet guy.
295
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,435
Who's your daddy?
296
00:15:40,117 --> 00:15:41,481
Who's your daddy?
297
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,025
I don't know.
298
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:49,518
I guess he recently decided
to get in touch with his dad.
299
00:15:49,643 --> 00:15:51,449
His mom gave him the guy's address.
300
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:54,190
So I wrote him a letter.
301
00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:56,733
And I poured my heart out.
302
00:15:56,985 --> 00:16:00,279
And I gave him my number
and I told him to call me.
303
00:16:00,404 --> 00:16:02,782
And he still hasn't called me.
304
00:16:03,608 --> 00:16:05,010
Oh, honey.
305
00:16:05,941 --> 00:16:07,682
I mean, I shouldn't be surprised.
306
00:16:07,807 --> 00:16:10,135
Clearly,
he wants nothing to do with me.
307
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,571
Oh, honey.
308
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,115
I mean,
309
00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:16,850
why else would he let
30 years go by?
310
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,004
He's ashamed to have me as a son.
311
00:16:21,457 --> 00:16:24,149
Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you.
312
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,303
He's ashamed of himself.
I mean, look at you.
313
00:16:28,428 --> 00:16:30,155
You're do so great without him.
314
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,963
I mean, you have an airline and
315
00:16:34,088 --> 00:16:35,840
three Nobel Prizes,
316
00:16:35,965 --> 00:16:37,871
and you play for the Yankees.
317
00:16:38,222 --> 00:16:39,922
Four. Four Nobel Prizes.
318
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:41,833
Four.
319
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,173
See? That is impressive.
320
00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:46,212
How many does he have?
321
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,672
Only three.
322
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,841
There you go.
323
00:16:51,202 --> 00:16:53,402
Listen, Honey, while I've got you,
324
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,643
do you have any idea what kind of
325
00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:57,682
difficult stuff
Zoey's been going through?
326
00:16:58,194 --> 00:17:00,094
I can't tell you about that.
327
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:04,723
The only people that are allowed to know
are me, Zoey and her therapist.
328
00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,026
I am her therapist.
329
00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:10,946
Well, in that case...
330
00:17:15,722 --> 00:17:18,193
Okay, listen, I think we've made
great progress for today.
331
00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:19,618
I gotta go. Bye.
332
00:17:26,303 --> 00:17:27,629
What's this really about?
333
00:17:28,312 --> 00:17:30,715
I told you.
Lily hates you.
334
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,737
I think you hate me. I think
you have some big problem with me,
335
00:17:33,862 --> 00:17:35,887
and you're too chicken
to come out and say it.
336
00:17:37,917 --> 00:17:38,917
All right.
337
00:17:41,464 --> 00:17:43,731
I... hate you.
338
00:17:45,255 --> 00:17:46,255
Great.
339
00:17:46,914 --> 00:17:47,914
See?
340
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,567
Was that so hard?
341
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,643
Can you at least tell me why?
342
00:17:57,768 --> 00:18:00,132
Because I'm racking my brain here,
and I thought...
343
00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:04,165
I just want to know why.
344
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,962
So we got Ted and Zoey.
Ted is in love with Zoey.
345
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,317
Zoey has no idea.
346
00:18:10,442 --> 00:18:12,924
Then Zoey's cousin Honey
went home with Barney,
347
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,385
and Zoey was happy about it.
Which tells us what?
348
00:18:16,546 --> 00:18:18,996
Zoey's in love with Ted
and Ted doesn't know.
349
00:18:19,121 --> 00:18:21,513
So Ted and Zoey...
they're in love with each other,
350
00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:24,538
which would be fine if Zoey
wasn't married to Colonel Mustard.
351
00:18:24,663 --> 00:18:26,163
I mean, The Captain.
352
00:18:26,932 --> 00:18:29,774
Except now, as Honey informs me...
353
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,397
And we miss you.
354
00:18:31,522 --> 00:18:33,778
But the cousin thing mostly.
Let's get that going.
355
00:18:34,091 --> 00:18:36,337
Fine, I will make it happen.
356
00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:38,310
Good-bye.
357
00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:45,224
I guess I'll take it.
358
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,003
Zoey and The Captain...
359
00:18:52,389 --> 00:18:53,757
are getting divorced.
360
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,342
Which means...?
361
00:18:56,838 --> 00:18:58,388
So help me, Marshall,
362
00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:01,511
if you don't call
those two crazy, mixed-up kids,
363
00:19:01,636 --> 00:19:02,636
I will.
364
00:19:03,924 --> 00:19:05,374
Give me that phone.
365
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,987
Why do I hate you?
Are you kidding?
366
00:19:09,451 --> 00:19:12,334
You're actively trying to prevent me
from realizing a lifelong dream.
367
00:19:12,459 --> 00:19:13,985
So there's that.
Plus,
368
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,403
you're stubborn and argumentative.
369
00:19:16,528 --> 00:19:19,188
And what kind of name is Zoey, huh?
370
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,451
What is that, short for Zoseph?
371
00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:24,621
Go on, get it.
I'll have more in a second.
372
00:19:33,545 --> 00:19:34,545
Yes, I am.
373
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,259
Yes, I am.
374
00:19:41,203 --> 00:19:42,203
He is?
375
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:50,355
- Why was Marshall calling?
- Don't worry about it. Go on.
376
00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:53,336
You talk during movies.
377
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,527
You sneeze with your whole body.
378
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,031
To my knowledge,
you do not speak Portuguese.
379
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,156
Well, actually...
380
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,534
I speak a little Portuguese.
381
00:20:03,611 --> 00:20:04,744
You're a show-off.
382
00:20:08,269 --> 00:20:09,541
You better take that.
383
00:20:14,377 --> 00:20:17,294
Marshall, can I call you back?
I'm out in the hallway with...
384
00:20:19,353 --> 00:20:20,353
She is?
385
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:24,764
She is?
386
00:20:28,163 --> 00:20:29,713
Marshall, I gotta go.
387
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,587
- They're kissing.
- They're kissing?!
388
00:20:56,203 --> 00:20:57,255
They're kissing!
389
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,924
They're kissing, Mom!
They're kissing!